Men are wired for independence, status, superiority, and competition. Considering the responsibilities I just listed, they had to be wired this way! It was life or death. And thank goodness they were or our species would not exist. They had to feel superior over enemies, nature, and animals, both those seen as prey and as threats.

Women, in order to fulfill family responsibilities, were socially wired for consensus, collaboration, connection, and harmony. If children got upset at the wrong moment and became loud, a cave bear walking by might eat them for lunch! If her partner got angry and left, she and her children would likely die. Women no longer need men for survival today, but long ago, they did. It literally was a matter of life and death for women to maintain connection and harmony.

So we have status vs. connection wiring...it is deep and it is not going away. I am not saying that women aren't in need of status or that men don't want connection or harmony. I am pointing out primary motivators.

Men view interactions based on how exchanges with others impact their status. Did that discussion, question, remark, or action reinforce and build their status, or did it undermine their independence/superiority? Keep in mind this is not a conscious approach to communication and management by men, it is closer to being cellular. When you are interviewing, coaching, managing, or reporting to a man (or a woman with a masculine style), be cognizant of his or her status. Avoid correcting him or pointing out what he did wrong. Simply suggest what he might do differently, or re-phrase your goals and ask how the project might be approached differently. Give him an opening or opportunity to explain his accomplishments and successes. Acknowledge his strengths, achievements, and efforts. Express appreciation for the things he does well.

Women are generally most productive in working situations where they feel a sense of community, where they feel connected. They prefer collaboration and consciously try to make people feel valued and part of the team. Many men have this management style as well, sometimes referred to as participative management. One word describes the combination of consensus, collaboration, connection and harmony...relationship! Women, and men with this feminine style (feminine in my work does not mean 'girlie', it refers to the relationship-oriented terms I just listed), do their best work when they can create trusting relationships and feel that they are being taken seriously.

 

So, when working with women, take the time to get to know them, talk with them, empathize with their challenges and concerns, make them feel valued and connected to you. This relationship approach in business explains why so many women are excellent sales people and managers. Being motivated by connection and collaboration does not mean women are any less competent and intelligent than men. It's just a different kind of motivation or approach. Merely style differences!

If you remember these two key differences - status and connection - and work with them as suggested above, your teamwork, sales, recruiting, and retention results with both men and women should noticeably improve. Good luck!

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