The Newsletter

Issue no. 56|25 October, 2011

Smile Etiquette

It's happened to me thousands of times…but it still surprises and disappoints me. I'm walking in an office building, in the public spaces or in a client's office. I'm in an airport, or at my local grocery store. I'm at Wal-Mart. And, because I pass close to someone, near them, walking by, standing in line, our eyes meet.

And they look right at me, know that I see them, and they don't smile.

Folks, this is rude. It's not "not rude" if you're "not the smiling type". It's not "not rude" if you find it "uncomfortable". It's rude ALWAYS. This is the price one pays for being in public spaces where you can fell reasonably safe and secure. Civility is the grease that distinguishes us from animals in the wild. Smiling is a basic civil behavior.

When you are in a public space, or some sort of common space, it's inappropriate to make eye contact with someone and then look away without smiling.

Smile. It's polite. It's not weak (hell, it's powerful!), it's helpful, and costs you nothing.

Smile. Seriously.

More in this vein: when you are asked if you want more coffee, or more water, or to be helped, it's inappropriate to say, "I'm fine." It's not even okay to say, "No thank you, I'm fine."

The person who is asking has not asked you for a personal update. They haven't enquired about your well-being. It's not polite of you, honestly, to offer that. It's the start of over-sharing.

I've heard many of you tell me, well, but I'm trying to be egalitarian… I'm giving them the benefit of the doubt, they're so nice to be taking care of me…These are non-sequiturs.

The right answer, if you don't want anything, is simply, "no thank you."

With a smile.

One more thought about smiling: want your children to grow up looking forward to their working lives? [Duh.]

When you get home, tell them about the good parts of your day, and smile when you do it. Being grouchy and tired doesn't send the right message. And enough of the bitching for heaven's sake.

If you don't like your job that much, two choices: Choose to smile and tell them why you value your job – the freedom, the money, the house, the clothes, the warmth in winter, the food.

Or, get a different one.

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