Stop Guessing At Motivations Or Intent
One
of the things Mike and I spend a lot of time doing is figuring out
exactly what happened when someone asks us for guidance. And a big part
of our detective work is about something that might surprise some of
you.
It's
important to be clear about what actually happened in order to give
good guidance. But most of us are really bad about describing what
actually happened. Why?
Because
they describe the situation emotionally, rather than based on
behaviors. "My direct is angry and intentionally deceiving me." "My
boss dislikes me." "One of my team simply has stopped caring."
We've
talked AT LENGTH about focusing on others' behaviors. We still mean it,
and always will. ;-) Behaviors don't lie. Please please please stick
with behaviors: they're easy to see and measure.
But
here's the hidden reason why we want to avoid guessing at others'
intents or emotions: we guess at others' emotions based on the emotions
or intent that WE WOULD HAVE if WE were to do what they did. But the
problem with that is they're likely to have the same emotions drive the
same behavior as us only about a quarter of the time. We're going to be
wrong almost ALWAYS when it comes to the emotions of others.
And
there's another thing, too: if we describe the problem emotionally, how
will we know when it changes? Why, by noticing changes in behavior, of
course.
Behavior,
behavior, behavior.
Testimonial
We've
done a poor job of sharing all the emails and thank you cards from fans
over the years. To the hundreds of you who have writen and whom I've
asked to reprint your notes, I apologize for not following through. [We
think about doing it, and then think we're tooting our own horn.]
But, I
thought I'd try it for awhile. Here's one we got last week, about one
of our topics that a LOT of people laughed at us for saying:
Hi Mark,
Long-time
listener, first time emailer... your cast on networking is excellent.
As if on cue, LinkedIn is down today and I can't make the introductions
I wanted to..... as, I admit, a majority of my business contacts are
kept on LinkedIn.
No more
- this is the sound of me entering them into my database and printing
them out.
Thanks
- keep up the excellent work.
Jennifer
Kelly
Career
Tools Wins Business Category of Podcast Awards
We're
thrilled to announce that Career Tools won the business category of The
People's Choice Podcast Awards. We want to thank you for both
nominating and voting for us. Manager Tools has always had a loyal and
supportive audience, and we're honored that you have expanded that
support to encompass Career Tools.
We will
always create a free Manager Tools and Career Tools podcast for you
each week. Every day we get emails from listeners saying that we have
changed their career, that we've enabled them to get the offers they
want and that we've improved their relationship with peers and
managers. Those emails from individuals are why we started Manager
Tools.
It's a
privilege to serve you, and we're looking forward to doing even more
for each of you in 2011.
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